I am in my kitchen making my firstborn a cheesy, ham omelet for his eighteenth birthday-breakfast. Have this song playing (I will share the link below)- my heart is uplifted.
Just before this I scripted the very last page of the hard back journal that I had started the day he was born. The journal is written in letter style directly to him. Over these eighteen years I would write an entry when he would do something cute or funny, something BIG happened, or always on every birthday. As I reminisced of that very first day that my eyes looked in awe upon his very round, bald head, I was touched with emotion.
Oh, yes, how the years have flown. Sigh. That wee babe is now a man.
That innocence. All but for the human naivety in all of us is gone.
So many hopes I had then for him. So many dreams to be realized. Yet in this parenting journey I have learned that children are not empty vessels for us to stuff with our ideals and credence; they, as we, are clay that can only be influenced by us, by life, by Him. They are their own vessel- His, not mine.
Oh, how I have learned this the hard way. His choices made that trail in the opposite direction of what I would want for him. My heart is still in pieces, but I trust that it will mend.
There is always HOPE until Jesus says otherwise.
So here I am flipping the omelet, tears fall, heart aches, love flows. A million words I think of to advise him at this hallmark moment of his- yet he already knows- so I quiet myself and give him a hug.
I wonder if It will all work out in the end. The final end. I can only hope that God moves. And because I know that He IS FoR me I sing this song heart aching, voice blazing, mind uplifted.
Is there something for which you ache? You hope?
Play this song- you know it, I have had it posted here before- listen to the words, let them sink, and let your heart be lifted and sing unabashedly!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=1SAtWjBDFeM
Posts
