Sunday, June 5, 2011

UPlifted Heart

I am in my kitchen making my firstborn a cheesy, ham omelet for his eighteenth birthday-breakfast.  Have this song playing (I will share the link below)- my heart is uplifted.

Just before this I scripted the very last page of the hard back journal that I had started the day he was born.  The journal is written in letter style directly to him.  Over these eighteen years I would write an entry when he would do something cute or funny, something BIG happened, or always on every birthday.  As I  reminisced of that very first day that my eyes looked in awe upon his very round, bald head, I was touched with emotion.

Oh, yes, how the years have flown.  Sigh.  That wee babe is now a man.

That innocence.  All but for the human naivety in all of us is gone.

So many hopes I had then for him.  So many dreams to be realized.  Yet in this parenting journey I have learned that children are not empty vessels for us to stuff with our ideals and credence; they, as we, are clay that can only be influenced by us, by life, by Him.  They are their own vessel- His, not mine.

Oh, how I have learned this the hard way.  His choices made that trail in the opposite direction of what I would want for him.  My heart is still in pieces, but I trust that it will mend.

There is always HOPE until Jesus says otherwise.

So here I am flipping the omelet, tears fall, heart aches, love flows.  A million words I think of to advise him at this hallmark moment of his- yet he already knows- so I quiet myself and give him a hug.

I wonder if It will all work out in the end.  The final end.  I can only hope that God moves.  And because I know that He IS FoR me I sing this song heart aching, voice blazing, mind uplifted.

Is there something for which you ache?  You hope?

Play this song- you know it,  I have had it posted here before-  listen to the words, let them sink, and let your heart be lifted and sing unabashedly!