Meeting All My Needs and Desires

It has been many years since I have learned the life-changing truth that my husband cannot meet all of my needs...The need for happiness, security, purpose, value, peace, and contentment. I have learned and continue to experience, "My God shall supply all (my) needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." (Phillipians 4:19) He is the perfect Lover of my soul. Relieving my husband of this role, which employed an endeavor impossible to actualize, changed my marriage. I could then begin to ENJOY my husband, not focusing on his short comings in meeting my needs. Really, if every woman could "get" this, I think that our culture would be elevated! How many marriages are stressed because the wife unconsciously or not manipulates her husband to get him to meet her needs and ends up angry and frustrated.

However, after reading and pondering Day 21 in The Love Dare, I became aware of present desires that I have for my husband to fulfill. I want more- more depth of love in our relationship, more intimacy, more comraderie. Are these desires wrong or misplaced? In this case, no, I do not think so. I did not endeavor to take the "Dare" because my marriage was bad or falling apart. Rather, I wanted more! to have the ultimate marriage experience on this earth and I would do my utmost to make that happen! I felt a push to strive to have an exceptional marriage as a testimony of God's handiwork and for my pleasure and satisfaction! But what about just having a "good marriage" to a "good man"? What is wrong with that? Is that not enough? My husband is thoughtful, loving, a great provider, friend, and a wonderful father. I sense the Holy Spirit leading me to gain a new perspective. One that confidently knows that all of my needs are met through Christ Jesus, and enjoys my marriage completely at this moment, accepts my husband at this moment.

Will I stop praying that our hearts would continue to bond and experience the depth, breadth, and height of the love of God? No. But my intent is to pray and live from the postition that we are "joint heirs of the grace of life". (1Peter 3:7) If today is as good as my marriage ever gets, I will be most blessed. And I do have a great marriage now!

How about you ? What is your perspective today?

side note from the last entry: I did talk with my husband about the dreams he has....In his short and simple way he responded, "Oh, I don't know." So I am doing the investigating on my own....currently my file on him contains his new business interests. His thoughts and time have been comsumed so I am purposing to take interest in them myself so that we can share in it together.

Love Seeks to Know

If you are wondering if I have given up "The Dare". I have not. But what is written to be accomplished in one day, I seem to be taking a week!

Today, Day 18, I am to plan a delicious, quiet meal just for the two of us with the intention of getting to know my husband better. Don't I know him already after 18 years of marriage? That did cross my mind until I read some of the suggested questions to ask him.

"What do you enjoy the most about your life right now?"
"What are some things that you've always wanted to do but have not had the oppurtunity yet?"
"What three things would you like to do before this year passes?"

I could give an educated, understanding guess of what my husband's answers would be, but I am not definately sure that would be right. So while, I do not see the possibility of us having a quite- just the two of us- dinner at home in the next week; I do intend to discover more about my husband.

And there IS more to know. Who really knows the depths of a man's soul except the Spirit? But love draws out the "deep water". (Proverbs 20:5) So today, this week, seek to understand and know your husband more deeply. Intimacy will only deepen.

His Answer-

For those of you who read my last entry- I DID ask my husband that very day...I was not purposefully procrastinating posting the information; my daughter got the stomach flu and I was nursing her for three days....so, this is how it went.

"Honey, in your most gentlest way, could you tell me three things that I do that irritate you?" (I added the part about the special delivery of the answer.)

"Well, Honey, uh, I don't know....your questions. Yes! you unceasing questions!"

How about that? NOT the answer (s) I thought I would get!

Did I learn anything from his answer? I DO remember my Mother always telling me that asking questions was a hallmark of my personality. I think of it as "inquisitive". So in my defense I could say that it is just part of my personality to be curious. However, I am learning to stop and ask myself before I ask a question, "Do I really need to know this information? Is it something that concerns me?" Hopefully this mental guard will keep my curiosity in tow. Most of the time his mind is preoccupied with business and I do not want to overtax him with needless questions. I want him to share information with me of his own volition. I want to be wise and use my words in the choicest of ways. Will we not be brought into judgement for every idle word? (Matthew 12:36) Ouch.

Another scripture comes to mind..."If anyone thinks himself to be religious and does not bridle his tongue but deludes his own heart, this person's religion is vain. -James 1:26. Before my husband gave me this insight about myself, I would have read this scripture and thought, "Yes, I need to watch what I say." My thoughts about this exhortaion would have been more general in nature. But at the moment I cannot help but think that I need to be more aware of my words (or questions) concerning my curiosities. Visualize a show horse that is in training. Overall the horse may seem to walk and gallop smoothly but every now and then he kicks his right leg out too far, not keeping cadence. This small quirk mars his complete performance. The trainer needs to bridle this horse every time the horse seems close to kicking out that right leg until after much practice the horse gives up the tendency. That is how I feel right now about this. I need to bridle my questions. Stop and ask myself if the situation involves me or is it a matter that I do not need to concern myself with or my husband's energies and time.

I have asked since if my husband would name two more. I am patiently awaiting his anwer! Soon enough he will let me know!

Oh wait! This morning he was agravated when he went to grab his nutritional supplements out of the cupboard; MY bottles fell out. "Toppled over" as he put it. I did not say anything when he had taken over the first shelf where I had had mine. I thought I was serving him even as I moved my supplements to the second shelf...I guess that I did not move all of them.

This is an exact example of how I think that I am serving my husband (Even in those seemingly small areas that he would not notice my proactive action to arrange the situation for his benefit.) and yet something was still undone! And he noticed! My reaction is anger and pride. I was mad that my fault was pointed out instead of my self-sacrifice being appreciated. Which is really pride. "Love is not self-seeking." Was I just seeking to be found a virtuous wife or was my action from a heart to please the Lord who sees all things?

The supplement example may seem small and insignificant to you. But isn't it the small irritations that we let grow into huge annoyances? And aren't the small things important to the Lord? He said that even if we give ONE cup of water in HIs name we would not go without reward. He DOES see and care about all things.

I ask Him for grace and a pure heart to love and serve husband.

The Love Dare

The new movie "Fireproof" has been sweeping through the Christian community as fast as the flames that the main character (as a fireman) wrestles to put out...Even while viewing this movie I thought, "That book he is using must be available." Sure enough, I visited my local Christian book store and "The Love Dare" was even on sale.

So with curiosity I made the purchase determing to put the book to good use un my marraige. The was in January. (?) I am stuck on Day 5. The "dare" for that day is to ask my husband to tell me 3 things that he finds irritating about me ("Love is not rude.")....I am afraid that he will begin to ennumerate those things that annoy him and that he will not be able to stop! You see, I have not had trouble thus far with the other dares: calling him just to ask how he is or withholding any negative words from our conversations. Why this one?

Well, after much contemplation, (It is 6 weeks after I have begun the book.) I realize that I am extremely sensitive to my husband's remarks. I could tell you that he only gives me constructive instruction for the betterment of my being...but his words are not always delivered as such; nor received from me as such most of the time! To ask him to audibly voice my faults has me posing shy. I want to be a sweet, wise, godly wife; making known my faults and quirks seems to mar my self-image. As if I am hiding the faults anyway?

I think that PRIDE is trying to mask my faults. Any change that I can make will only help our relationship. I do love him and must be willing to adapt myself to him. (Ephesians 5:22) So today (you can hold me accountable) I will ask him, purposing to have a humble, listening heart.

Are any of you on "The Love Dare" journey? Please share your encouragements and testimonies with us. May the Lord ever-increase our love for our husbands and their love for us.

Twirling Mama

It has been so long since I have written that I had to go through the gammit of retrieving my old password (well, actually I did not even remember which e-mail I had used to log in!) So here I am, beginning a busy day, unusually taking a moment to journal... I am getting somewhat annoyed hearing myself say that, "I am busy." Though it be ever so true now more than ever as we are renovating a 5 bedroom home to move into, I do not like to innumerate my daily resposibilities and bore the audience to death....especially when you all have your own full schedules.

What I am mindful of today is that, "There is a time for everything under heaven." Right now is simply a time full of activity for myself and my family. Some day soon I am promised that the time to live simply will come...

So, too, is there a time for fun and recreation. Interesting word- recreation. A time to recreate. One way that I have found to recreate my creativity (is that redundant?) and refresh is to take an adult ballet class. Now, before you fall off your chair as my teenage sons did when they visualized Mom twirling awkardly onto the stage donning a pink tutu....let me explain that we will NOT be performing in any recital! In the class we are learning ballet basics along with some Pilates exercises and stretching. I simply love it. And though I cannot turn (twist) out my legs like the 15 year-experienced teacher I at times do feel graceful. Though as we were leaping with our sashes (sp? how do you put an accent over a syllable with the keyboard?) I felt very much like a human frog. Nonetheless I was rejuvenated when class completed.

What are you doing for recreation?

Little by Little

"Line upon line, precept upon precept, hear a little there a little." I love this scripture...it reminds me that I do not have to have a "Do it all now or nothing!" attitude. It is the small habits, changes consistently done over time, that make the lasting difference.

In "Fit for Life" I am asked every day to commit to do something for that day... mine has been consistently, "I will...drink 6 large glasses of water today." For a moment this morning I thought, "Oh, I should do something different." But the above scripture came to mind. I realized that drinking that water has not become "second nature" in my lifestyle yet, so I need to keep proposing to do it until it is! Then I will move on to tackle something else........

In this same light. I cannot expect drastic change in my body overnight. It takes time and I need to have thoughtful-faithful patience while it is happening.

The Hope of Spring

Good Friday. As I perch on "my chair" in the far corner of the living room, sunlight is streaming in the opposite window aimed at the fish bowl sitting on an end table. (Well , really the fish bowl is a vase but we never got around to buying the plant for our beta fish.) The sunlight does dances and turns in the water and bounces off the glass. How pleasurable to look at.

My two daughters have awoken and are descending the stairs proclaiming, "Mom! There is a rainbow in our room. Come see it!" Sure enough a sunbeam was forcing itself through the side of the window's blind illuminating a rainbow on their pink wall.

You see, it has been a while since the cold, gray skies of winter have allowed the yellow warmth of the sun to shine through the clouds. These expressions of sunlight are truly a delight.

With Easter arriving the third week in March, I began decorating for Spring early this year. While the snow still covered the ground we put out pastel bunnies and replaced the dark colors of house linens with light and sheer ones. Hopeful thinking.

This same time the leaves of the daffodils and tulips are peaking through the thawing ground. I am pleasantly surprised to see snow-drops (a darling little white flower) also popping up all around the lamp post. I thought that I had accidentally dug them all out last year.

Aah, the hope of Spring's arrival. With the Spring Equinox and Easter converging on the same weekend, it is especially poignant to remember new birth, new life. Just when all hope seems to be lost, when it seems the sun will never shine again- it bursts forth.

How much more was that dark season for the followers of Jesus on that predestined day...
"And when the sixth hour had come, there was darkness over the whole land until the ninth hour. And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, 'Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachtani?'- which means, 'My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me?'" (Mark 15:33-34) Jesus' followers did not understand at that time. They experienced darkness, confusion, grief, loss of hope. Until...

On the first day of the week (new beginnings) at the break of dawn (when the sun was just beginning to burst over the horizon)...the women saw that the stone had been rolled away, the tomb was empty, and a angel proclaimed, "He is not here, but is risen!" Hallelujah! I remember with goose bumps the final scene of The Passion of Christ. Without words that portrayal of Jeus, as He stood in the dark grave, the light streaming in echoing His triumph, said it all- the story of the ages...The Son of Man, the Son of God, accomplished what He set out to do before the foundation of the world- He gave His life and rose again in VICTORY. No one and nothing could keep Him in the grave! "And they (the women) remembered His words." (Luke 24:8,7) "That the Son of Man must be given over into the hands of sinful men and be crucified and on the third day rise." Blessed victory! Their darkness was illuminated.

God's timing is perfect, and He continually shows us in the marvels of His creation. He reminds us of His faithfulness even in sunlight streaming in a window, a small rainbow on a wall, flowers breaking forth from once frozen earth, and the change of seasons.

He still proclaims hope of this blessed assurance to us...
"I AM; and you will see the Son of Man seated at the right hand of the Almighty and coming on the clouds of heaven." (Mark 14:62) Even so, come Lord Jesus!

Enjoy your Easter and the hope of Spring!

Fit for LIFE

WELCOME! The "Ladies Of Virtue" Journal is a place where women who share like-minds in Christ can find friendship and encouragement. Please share your sentiments. We look forward o meeting you! Remember to categorize your post.

If you are using the "Fit for LIFE" bible devotional for weight-loss (posted at Ladies OfVirtueOnline.org) this is a safe place to share your successes and struggles. How we need encouragement in losing those extra pounds! How I need that support. Please come visit us weekly (even daily). There is power in group support and prayer. (Matthew 18:19, Ecclesiastes 4:12)

May you (and I) abound in love for Jesus more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, may we approve what is excellent, and be pure and blameless for the day fo Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the praise and glory of God. Have a great day!